The Mercedes G Wagon. That boxey status symbol with the flashy interior lights and gangster rims. Looks great with fully tinted windows. Real statuesque looking thing.

It was conceived after the wild success of the Mercedes G4 - which was originally designed for the upper echelons of the Nazi regime. It was a Nazi thing. Like Hugo Boss.

(I heard portals to hell randomly appear on Earth when someone gets into their G Wagon wearing more than 5 pieces of Hugo Boss branded items. Legend has it, that it only happened once: during World War 2, when Heinrich Himmler and all his boys got into the same G4 after a night out on the lash. The portal apparently opened somewhere on the south Atlantic ocean, witnessed at distance by an Argentine fishing vessel.)

Escalade too fat to fit into that parking space? That's okay, just take up two. Entrance is too far away from the Rrrange? No worries, park in that last available disabled space. I mean, if your number plate reads 81G 8055, everyone's gonna be intimidated. Who cares about that person struggling to get their wheelchair out of their Renault Captur. Just ignore them! You're a big boss!

See that 8 year old kid crossing the road, walking home from school? No? That's because you're sat so high you're endangering and taking lives. That's fine though, you're safe, just continue driving, no need to stop at the zebra. You've got a text to write anyway, and it really can't wait.

(Someone also told me that if you honk the G Wagon's horn for 666 consecutive seconds, it would also open a portal to hell. He told me that his mate tried it, but someone tasered him before he could finish.)